Three years ago, I was struggling with expected grief. My mother had stage 4 lung cancer, and it was one of the most gruelling moments in my life. I’ve already gone to many funerals: my aunt, grandfather, and grandmother, all of whom are closest to me.
I can tell you that getting over a loved one’s death, especially your mother’s, isn’t easy. But it does get better over time, and the feeling will subside soon. However, that doesn’t mean the pain will go away. Sometimes, I dream about my mother and how it’s such a perfectly normal day. Suddenly, I wake up, knowing that she’s forever gone and I can’t do anything about it.
I’m here to tell you a story of how I coped with grief during that heartbreaking phase three years ago. It was the funeral I’ve attended in Singapore, and while it happened long ago, sometimes it feels like I was there only yesterday.
STAGE 1: EXPECTATIONS
Some people will tell you that there are five or seven stages of grief. Let me tell you that statement is absolutely false! I’ve lost too many loved ones due to sickness already, and the experience for each death is quite different. They share only one common feeling: pain.
Set your expectations low and anticipate the sadness that will come your way if you’re going to cope with grief. Each time you’ll lose a loved one, the feelings may differ, but ultimately, they all hurt just the same. It’s just a matter of how you’ll treat yourself during those times of grief.
Sure, expecting someone to die may seem less painful, but it’s just as heartbreaking as losing someone in a snap. However, I’d say that the pain is more suffocating if you lose a loved one due to an accident since it’s all too sudden.
If you’re expecting a loved one to die, at this point you should look for affordable funeral services. That’s what our family did, with the permission of my late mother, of course. I wanted to make sure she’d be happy knowing that we took care of her in the way she always wanted.
My mother wanted to go out in silence, and so she did. We looked for affordable funeral services in Singapore and invited a few close relatives and friends.
STAGE 2: GRIEF
And so the time has come for my mother to perish. It was exactly 3:07 AM when my mother gasped her last breath in the hospital room. I was beside her, sitting on a chair and trying to sleep as hard as I could. I can’t say I was surprised, but I wasn’t expecting it either. The tears dropped like bombs from the sky as I held her in my arms one last time. The doctor came in and took her to the morgue for an official autopsy.
After filing the paperwork in the hospital, I went straight home to get some rest. My wife slept while waiting for me, knowing that I needed her the most in a time like this. I appreciated her gesture, and it was the best thing she could have ever done for me. We drank a cup of tea before finally resting in bed
To cope with grief, I’d have to say that surrounding myself with loved ones is my way of moving on. I want to be with loved ones, friends, and relatives who cared for my mother before she passed away. The notion that we all both shared the same love for my mother warms my heart. I played video games with my son, went out on a date with my wife before the funeral, and even had a night out with my closest friends.
STAGE 3: AFTERMATH
After coping with grief and attending the funeral in Singapore, I can say that the painful feeling of losing someone closest to you is still kept deep inside my heart. Sure, I moved on after a year or so, but let me tell you: the pain is still there, but it gets better.
Sometimes I still think of my mother now and then. My father, who took the death most seriously out of all of us, tells me how he misses her even after three years. I said that we share the same feeling, and we both smiled out of sadness.
Getting over a loved one’s death is never going to be easy. There’s no magic cure that will help you tuck away your loneliness. There are no stages of grief. Everything is up to you to decide, and this is how I coped with my grief. I hope you cope with your loved one’s death too because it will get better--I assure you.
